So it is very obvious at this point that I am, in fact, pregnant. I told my students in December and, of course, they were very curious and also excited. Each grade and gender has its own generalized response. 6th grade girls get all excited and want to throw you a baby shower, while 6th grade boys roll their eyes and 8th grade boys laugh hysterically because, surprise people, pregnancy involves (loud whisper) sex.
I thought that tonight, for your reading pleasure, I would share with you some of my favorite Q&A sessions regarding pregnancy that I have had with my students. Here they are, in no particular order.
8th grade female Student: Was it planned?
Me: What? The lesson today? Of course!
Student: No, the baby.
Me: (awkward pause) Um, yes. Moving on…
8th grade male when I announced the pregnancy: Wait. So if you’re pregnant, that means… OH SNAP!
Me: That means what?
Student: BAHAHAHAHA! You… OH MAN!
(I suppose we will just have to read between the lines on this one. Or not.)
8th grade student when I announced the pregnancy: Who’s the daddy?
Me: (speechless) (pointed to wedding photo on desk) (wordlessly moved onto the lesson)
7th grade male Student: Mrs. Goodger, what happens if your fountain breaks at school?
Me: (exchange glance with female interventionist) Um, fountain?
Student: Yeah, like right before you have the baby.
Me: (Pause. Consider options for response.) I believe you mean “if my water breaks”.
Student: (surrounded by hysterical laughter from fellow students) Um, yeah. So what happens?
Me: You get a sub and I go home. Immediately. Moving on…
Another 7th grade male Student: Are you sure there’s a baby in there?
Me: (Pause) Yes, I’m fairly certain.
Female student in same class: Are you saying you think she’s just getting fat or something? Cuz that’s just rude!
Me: (laughing) No, I’m not just getting fat. I feel the baby moving around and saw him on the ultrasound.
Male student: Ew. Gross.
Male student I had for the first trimester and have only seen in hallway since I started showing: Mrs. Goodger, you’re PREGNANT?
Me: Yep. It’s true.
Student: Oh. I thought you were just eating a lot of cake.
Female 8th grade student: Mrs. Goodger, I am NOT going to get big like that when I’m pregnant.
Me: Well, we’ll see. In about 20 years, please.
Me: Pause. (student turns around) “Whatever” on the growth of tummy or on the 20 years?
Student: No, I’m kidding. Just on the bigness.
Same 8th grade female student, different day: Mrs. Goodger, you’re eating AGAIN???
Me: Yes dear, I’m hungry. Got to feed the baby, you know.
Student: Mrs. Goodger, stop lying. YOU are eating, not the baby. Jeez.
6th grade female student: What are you going to name the baby?
Me: We don’t know yet. We haven’t decided.
6th grade male: You should name him Mason.
Another student, yelling across the room: Her other son is already named Mason, stupid.
6th grade male: So?? (defensively)
Me: Don’t you think that would make my house a little confusing?
6th grade male: (pouts) Fine, then. Mason Jr.